So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize