Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
