I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
