"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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