He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
