i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
