If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
