i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
