My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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