i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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