is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
