So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
