Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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