I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
