That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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