Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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