He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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