Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
