I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
