AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize