I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
