Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
