I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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