Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
