I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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