cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
