we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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