hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
