Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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