I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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