I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize