I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sarcasm needs its own font
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
