Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
