Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
