Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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