this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
