I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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