Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize