Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
