Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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