he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
