Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
