I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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