another moral hangover. fuck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize