He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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