she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
