Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
