im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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