im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can't motorboat a personality
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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