Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
