the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
