no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
