I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So vagazzling was a success
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
