It's like God shit irony all over that family
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
don't judge my taste in strippers
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
