nut hugger
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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