hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
