Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
