And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
