she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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