I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
