i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
