dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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