Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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