You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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