honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
