you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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