I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
