He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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