Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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