Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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